so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
