Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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