I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I love you. Go after that dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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