His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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