For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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