so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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