Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize