I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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