Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
