is your mom at the bar?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
