You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
