when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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