the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
