mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
