yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
