Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
