Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
