I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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