need another drink. this is the easiest way
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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