he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
