Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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