tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
