The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize