White coat. Heels.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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