I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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