I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
