haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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