He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
