I smell stomach acid.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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