You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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