Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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