Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
