I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He better not be in your backpack
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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