One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize