Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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