im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
