and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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