The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
