Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
