Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im holly from the hills drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
