he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
