i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
