Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can text with my tongue
accomplished twins. life is a go
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
