from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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