God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
