He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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