His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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