woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
