I hate all girls vehemently.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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