I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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