Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
