overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
