When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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