..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
