oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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