You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
