HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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