He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
