i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
