we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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