And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
