Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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