I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
