He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize