he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
