im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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