We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
