I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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