I CAN MOONWALK!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
