I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize