just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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