You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
