I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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