i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
